B. thinks about U. almost everyday, listen again again one particular song which he would like to share with her. They used to had game and were sending to each other songs with particular words or chorus which was including words they wanted to pass to each other. She would love that song, which now he is listen to. But still he has no courage to open her whatsapp profile and paste the link. He is afraid to harm her more than he already did.
It has been month since they speak last time to each other. Everything started collapsed while both of them left That City. For the last time B. saw her while his bus was passing her bus. Since that time he haven’t changed his feeling towards her, not for the seconds. But certain situation started to brace B.’s neck more and more until he started almost suffocate and wanted to run, find a place where nobody will reach him or find him until he will decide to show up on his own conditions. He wanted to find place where there will be no mobile signal, where nobody will track him or judge him. No, B. wasn’t afraid of U. and she wasn’t that subject of this decision, maybe not direct one. He just wanted to escaped from the situation which trapped him on that one sunny January morning, when everything started. When he saw U. naked entering the kitchen and realized it won’t be just a single one nightstand, but a decision between heart and common sense. On that particular morning he already knew, that scale is about to point heard rather then common sense. Yet, all these years of being him involved in other life was dragging him down. After That City, this thought push him against the wall so badly, that any decision was beyond his range, making him incapable to do the right chose.
He wanted let it go, he tried, he finally pushed U. to hate him. He was keeping B. on a very long leash so she finally could gave up, and stop loving him. It was one of this first tough intentional decision he did in his life. Yet he wasn’t sure why he was doing that, he never was this type of guy. Maybe deep in his soul he couldn’t handle himself being in such condition and he thought it’s better to drown himself instead pulling her with him. He knew how fragile she was and didn’t want to hurt her anymore.
After That City, B. landed in another ISTAN country. It supposed to be just a stop between the final destination. Just a one stop, but the most important, the one he wanted to avoid for all the costs. B. was about to face his previous life. His body was shaking, his mind couldn’t put all minds together. For a last few days, he was pushing away all these thoughts, and suddenly they started to cutting his brain and consuming his energy slice by slice. Every step was between her and the other her. He didn’t want to harm any of them, but the situation was obvious. He was numb pretending to be alive, but all he was dreaming is to find himself on the Australian desert alone traveling with camels carrying his life toward horizon. Instead of that he ended up in another desert. Not alone, still with some people around him and enough mobile signal in the air.